Thursday, March 5, 2009

In the News....

I just can't say enough about this woman, my mom, my girlfriend, this NUT, my rock, Alabama's BEST teacher, my Dad's #1 fan, my inspiration.
So on Mama's birthday, please allow me to "roast her," of course with nothing but the best intentions....with some of the things that make me laugh and smile the most when I think of her, and if you know my Mom at all, you may recognize some of these....
1. My parents have always had a phrase they shared amongst themselves, a term of endearment if you will. I do not know the origin, probably never will, but it has always made me laugh. It has carried down to my sister and me and the four of us dont use it lightly, only on the most serious of occassions. Please note this is one word... "Iloveyousomuchicouldpee." It means business (I suppose in more ways that one.) We have small bladders in our family, so that means a heck of a lot.
2. My mom is not the biggest animal lover. Dogs have come and gone in our family. Every one of them she has politely pat on the head. Literally, pat on the head in passing. Good Dog, Dusty. Hey Ethel. No Sugar. etc, etc. But something has broken the mold. This woman has fallen in love with someone other than my 6'5" tall father. She has found a dwarf. Bunny that is. I guess I didn't realize people even had pet rabbits anymore but oh, they do. And this priss does for sure. For several years now (longer than expected but don't you dare tell her!) Mama has been loving on a Netherlands dwarf bunny affectionately named Marshmellow (he's a guy but don't you dare tell him either!) He started out as a class pet but I'm not sure when the last time he actually hopped in the classroom was. And hold on to something folks, they make bunny clothes. See below. And pray for Marsh.
(left) Meet Santa Bunny and (right) Marsh sporting his tank with the "palm tree bling"
3. My mom loves a clean house. In fact I swear she almost looked forward to Thursdays because that was house cleaning day and our little "team" would work together to get it done. Booo!! is all I have to say about that! But I swear she thought it was the most rewarding thing ever! We all had assigned duties, I had to dust, and little Jessie had to "windex" we called it, which meant to clean the glass tables/mirrors in the house. Puh-lease. Anyway, mom always cracked me up because she'd vacuum, among other things, and when all was said and done, we'd pretty much stay where we were because she didnt want to "mess things up." She's a lady who loves to see "vacuum lines" in the carpet and smell a clean bathroom. So walk on the carpet and pee before you scrub. Or least give her a good hour! So funny! Girl likes a clean house, what can I say. But thank you for the sweet ladies who clean it now so we don't have too!!
4. Lord, this woman will drive you crazy. Of course, we love her all the more for it, but she'll drive you crazy for sure. Need an example? When I get a new haircut, the next day she wants to know what was said about it. "Tell me what they said at work?" I'll say they all liked it. She says "Like who?" She needs DETAILS. Here's another one. Her favorite line about a boyfriend is "Tell me something sweet he did today." I'd say "Oh, I dont know, he wrote me a poem." Mom: Ooo, tell me what it said! Me: I tell her... Mom: So what'd you say back. Me: I said "thanks" Mom: "then what'd he do?" Me: "nothing" Mom: "but what'd else he say sweet?" Me: "not much" Mom: "that is SO sweet" I love you, Mama, you know I'm just teasing, but you know you are SO like this! And then what?, and then what?, and then what? hehe :) 5. Ok, last one. Have yall heard me sing? I suck, but I make a joyful noise, right? Sure. Well, I didnt pull it out of the sky, ladies and gentlemen, I got it from my mama. And she has another talent to go along with that joyful noise, and that's the ability to fill in the blanks (I might have gotten that too....). So when you don't know the lyrics, ask Debbie, she more that likely won't know it either, but can dang sure make something up that sounds similar (or not) and is bound to make you laugh. For example... 1. Tiffany, I Think We're Alone Now: "And we're running just as fast as we can, holding on to what the other has" (actual: one another's hands) 2. Jimmy Buffet, Margaritaville: "Searching for my log shaker of salt" (actual: lost shaker) 3. Peaches&Herb: "Shake your blues thing, shake your blues thing, yeah yeah" (acutal: grove thing) Love you Mama, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope it's full of surprises! Oh, and iloveyousomuchicouldpeee.


  1. What a sweet post! Happy Birthday to Mama Simpson:)

  2. Thank you, sweetheart. I wish I could deny the previous comments, but I can't. Hey,wasn't it YOU who sang "I just want to be your Easter bunny" instead of "beast of burden"? Ha

  3. Thanks Mom...'preciate that! Love you!